Airport of No Return
by MusicMagicMurder
Summary: Arizona's thoughts during the breakup scene.


**Title**: The Airport of No Return

**Author**: MusicMagicMurder

**Summary**: 'We are standing in the middle of an airport, screaming at each other. We're already over.' Arizona's thoughts during the airport breakup.

"Africa's gonna be great, y'know? Finally we can get away from all the drama that is Seattle Grace/Mercy West. Maybe when we come back everyone will have straightened all their stupid relationship stuff. Lexie and Mark will probably be broken up they'll never work out with Mark being a whore and Lexie being so…young. _Ay dios míos_, I'm going to miss them."

Callie's been talking nonstop for the past hour, switching between guilt-tripping me and pretend enthusiasm for Malawi. I haven't gotten a word in since she started but I'm not exactly sure what I'd say if I did. I know that there's no way I'm is going to be able to handle more three years of this, but what am I'm supposed to say?_'Callie, you've been great this past year and a half but you're annoying the hell out of me.'_or _'Callie, I love you, but we're over.'_ Each response that I go over in my mind is even more vicious than the last. I'm hoping Callie will understand what I'm feeling, but how can she? I don't even know what I'm feeling. It wouldn't be the first time I've broken up with someone because their depressing me, but Callie isn't like this normally. And I love her. I'm in love with her. I can't just leave her.

I glance over at Callie as we pass airport security. She's still talking, even as she picks her keys back up out of the box. And I start walking again, hoping maybe Calliope will figure it out on her own. But she doesn't and we're getting even closer towards the boarding area and I know I have to end this now or it'll be too late. We'll be in Malawi with the tiny human, and she'll hate me even more if I wait.

"…And sure, there's not a lot to do over there, but it'll be less to distract us from the medicine, it'll just be us focusing on the medicine, which is great-" It takes Callie a moment to realize I've even stopped and I frown. "Oh my god, did you forget your passport?" Of course, now she looks genuinely upset at the fact that we might miss our plane to Africa. I feel bad that I've dragged her through this but I know we will both feel a hell of a lot worse if I let this go on any longer.

"I won the Carter-Madison Grant." Her eyebrows rise as if she can't believe I'm choosing to do this now, in the middle of an airport. I really can't believe it either, but I press on. "I won the Carter-Madison Grant. Do you know how rare that is? So you know how special that is? This is the biggest opportunity of my professional career. I get to go to Malawi with almost unlimited funds and get to help children, tiny children, who might not ever even see a pediatric surgeon." She glances down at her ticket and then over to the gate. I realize that she's not even getting what I'm saying and that I really need to wrap this up before I am interrupted. If she interrupts me then I know I'll never get the courage to do this again. "I get to change lives. That's the dream, I am living the dream, and I am over the moon about it. Or…or I would be. But you are ruining Africa for me."

I make sure I let her know why I'm doing this, why I'm leaving her here. She scoffs in disbelief, still not getting my point.

"I'm not."

"YOU ARE!" I yell. I don't mean to yell it, but it's worth it, as she finally understands what I'm saying. Anger and hurt flash across her face.

"Okay, fine. I don't want to go to Africa, okay? But I do wanna be with you. So I'm really trying here. We're gonna miss our plane, let's go." She starts to go towards the gate but I don't follow her. "You wanna fight? The flight's eighteen hours, we can fight on the plane." But we can't. On the plane, there will be nowhere to hide, nowhere to run.

"You are ruining this for me. And I don't wanna do this." My voice cracks and before I know it, I'm crying.

"So what, you suddenly don't wanna go to Africa anymore or…" I have to be blunt this time. I _know_ she understands what I'm staying. I _know_ she doesn't want to hear it, to believe it, but she has to.

"I don't wanna go to Africa with you." In that moment, I can see it all over her face. It's the same face I get every time I deliver bad news to a parent; one of shock, disbelief, sadness, and anger.

She shakes her head, refusing the news, trying to wake herself up from this dream I just turned into a nightmare.

"Arizona, no. No." She says firmly. I try to apologize but she won't hear it. "You're sorry? You're sorry? It's three years!" I'm shaking my head now, in disbelief. She thinks that I expect her to wait for me to come back, that we'll just pick up where we left off after I save all those kids in Africa.

"I'm gonna miss my plane. You take care of yourself." I walk pass her but she's still talking, begging me to stay, to change my mind.

"NO! Please. I can…we can do this. We can work this out." But we can't. She knows there's no coming back from this, even if I was to suddenly change my mind. We'd never be the same.

"You stay here and be happy. And I'll go there and be happy." I can't think of much more to say, any way to try to help her get over me. I could get her to hate me, but then I would hate myself for hurting her even more, and all those kids in Africa would suffer even more.

"If you get on that plane, if you go without me, we are done. Do you hear me? We are over!" Why is she not getting this? I'm ending this now, I can't stay here, I can't miss my plane, I can't see her face anymore.

"We are standing in the middle of an airport, screaming at each other. We're already over." I turn and walk away from her. Even as I board the plane, I can still hear her crying echoing in my head. And as the plane lifts off, I hope for damn sure that I'm right about this.


End file.
